“Our retention strategy is that no one else is hiring.”
—  Adam, during our staff...

“If you’re so eager to have your review, we can do it...”
— Adam

“If he dumps you, I’ll be sloppy seconds.”
— Ken, looking for a lunch date

“Nice suit, does that come with a backhand?”
— Adam, regarding a certain CNBC...

“8 is the new 50”
— RG re C

Guy to Adam: So I hear you're a government worker now.
Adam: Yeah, they're giving government cheese as a bonus this year.

Who needs sleep? That’s when the NIGHTMARES happen.

“You’re going to start off with a Ned Ryerson Hug...”
— Adam’s idea for a hot...

“It’s got to be a combination of sophomoric and...”
— Ken, on how something makes it...

“If you don’t hear from me in 24 hours, send flowers”
— Ken, about meeting with a...

Governess

Ken: You know, Sarah Palin. The Governor of Alaska.
Steve: No, you mean /Governess/
Ken: What, was she wearing a corset?? Are we living in the 1860s?? I'm pretty sure we call women governors "Governor".

“Tampico: the credit-crunch Tang”
— Ken

“Adamocity”
— Coined by Hannah

“Pack as if you are a refugee”
— Adam, over the weekend to Jana

“Someone’s got “system” envy”
— Adam, referring to...

“Sounds like somebody got himself an extra dose of testicles.”
— Adam, referring to a...

“Imagine you’re Lucille Ball working at the chocolate...”
— Adam: multitasking motivation

“Make sure when you’re walking down the street, you...”
— Adam, on the LEH meltdown

“Just let me know if I don’t need to come in tomorrow.”
— Nancee, regarding layoffs

“Does working on this clever queer-y make me gay for Access?”
— Ken

“My goal for 2009 is to be able to fill out my goals for...”
— It’s goals season!!

Nancee: Now you're on the naughty list!
Joe: I thought I already was, guess I'm doing better than I thought.
Nancee: Sorry, I meant the NAUGHTIER list.

“You should always wear a suit, so you have something to look...”
— Adam

Hannah: What's it going to take to get you to really, for once, stop thinking about this place?
Adam: A pink slip or death certificate

“I’m going to need a shower after this conversation.”
— Adam

Friendship Exit Plan

Nancee: Oh, we'll still be friends in a few years, won't we?
Ken: Actually, Adam has a three-year exit plan for this relationship.
Adam: Yeah, and we're two-and-a-half years in.

“We’re no longer calling ‘Going Postal.’ ...”
— Ken, regarding Nancee’s...

“He’s such an optimist, he would say Hiroshima got the...”
— Art Cashen on CNBC

Ken: Do you think the dog will be okay in the car while we go get lunch?
Sarah: We might as well just put a bag over her head, it would be faster.

You smell like cinnamon and crisp, warm dollar bills.

Seriously? You should just fire me.

Next month, you’ll be getting your coffee fix by licking the coffee rings of other patrons off...

“Blue chips? More like black and blue chips.”
— Darryl, talking about 401(k)...

“Somebody has to read the eulogy.”
— Adam, referring passing the...

“You can’t dry clean the evil out.”
— Adam with regard to changing...

Becky’s Wiki Surprise: check out her on-air reaction...

Sometimes, you just wish for the I Am Legend scenario.

“I have very strong PLATONIC feelings for you.”
— Ken to Nancee

“The smartest guy in the dumb class.”

“I think you’re more of a Falling Down than a Fight...”
— Ken, to Adam

Our group embraces depression.

“If you work in accounting, and you can’t manipulate a...”
— Adam (who else??)

“Even though I paid for the hour, I only want the two minutes...”
— Sage Leadership Advice

“Actually, when you amortize my contributions out over time,...”
— Ken

“Why don’t we put a mat at the bottom of the stairs and...”
— Adam in response to spending...

“It’s always the homeless guy.”
—  ...

“Eight pounds of dust.”
— Adam, referring to to the poor...

“IDGAF”
— The new team mantra

“All critical projects need you to drop the ball so they can...”
— Adam to Ken

“Heads up before heads off”
— Adam

How many stabs from this fork will it take to get to the center of that dummy? In response to a guy...

“That’s like comparing apples to … pickup trucks.”
— Adam

Adam Levison tries out the U.N.’s translation headphones.

“It would be cool if something horrible happened. …”
— Ken

“I’m on vacation when you’re not here.”
— Arsheel

“Tell me this: SVU or Dateline?” — Adam in response to the Red Robin hostess who...

A person asks to move a meeting because he is out sick today. Ken responds: Good, stay that way!

“Doodey humor: always welcome.”
— Adam

What type of day is it going to be today? Open or closed casket?

“Com’on Adam, working for you would drive anybody to...”
— Ken

“If somebody calls me a jerk this week, I’m blaming...”
— Arsheel

“My day’s not over until the kids go to bed.”
— Nanners

“If I wanted to chat, I’d dial a 976 number.”
— Adam

“Look, if I build a bridge and somebody drives a /truck/ off...”
— Ken, on creating software...

“It’s like being a firefighter and not knowing how to...”
— Adam, on people who do...

She’s not that bad looking…if you got a needle in your arm. (Sean O referring to Grace...

Adam: “Hot Management Action”

Adam: See? I'm takin' the bullet for you.
Ken: Oh, that's okay: you can just use Arsheel as a human shield.

“Oh, no! Sentences!”
— Adam

“You’re so pure.”
— Adam sneered at Ken

“That must be the most delicious-smelling riot”
— Adam, in reference to the KFC...

“Don’t look at me like you just swallowed a peacock.”
— Rudy

“When it makes a sound like that, it’s time to put a...”
— Adam, referring to a flatlined...

“Who’s going to check that box, when you’re in...”
— Adam, referring to someone who...

“1 and 3 you you give, 2 you take”
— Rudy, with regards to...

“You’re going to WISH the audit was continuing.”
— Adam, referring to year-end...

“The child daycare center is in building C.”
— Ken, referring to the adults...

Ken: When you go, you'll make sure to take something with you -- you're planning to take out the P------ S-----, aren't you?
Adam: When I go, people will have to mourn the event with candles.

“I already told you you were hot today; you’re not...”
— Ken, to Nancee in a pant-suit

“The back end of my dog looks better than him.”
— Joe, referring to Adam with...

Lock and Load

Ken: Wow, check out the view from here.
Adam: (glances up from laptop) Ugh.
Ken: Com’on, surely you can find beauty in nature.
Adam: You mean like a car accident? I find beauty in horror.
— 388, 15th floor conference room

“You may want to get a small tree this year.”
— Adam, in reference to year-end...

“We’ll cross that bridge…when it collapses.”
— Adam + Ken, week of the...

“If you don’t come to our table, kill yourself. ”
— Adam, at the Capstone Seminar,...

“It’s a good thing these people aren’t trying to...”
— Adam

“Nuclear sunrise!”
— Ken